It took me 6 years to delete Facebook

Image courtesy of Lucas Fonseca

There are those who wonder what life would be like without Facebook, and those who already know. After six years of excuses and three failed attempts, when I finally kicked the habit, I felt free (and angry).

After gathering enough courage to push the “delete permanently” button, I endured seven pages of fear-mongering about lost memories, photos, and connections. Then comes the kicker — you have 30 days to change your mind.

I can’t believe I let them brainwash me for so long.

The excuses I made (and maybe you’re making too)

I can’t pinpoint exactly when I first wanted to delete Facebook. The nasty political keyboard wars and endless parade of ads had worn me down, but the habit was hard to break. Facebook has slithered into every aspect of life. An innocent high school pastime now disguised as a necessity.

Facebook has been coasting on their popularity for years while making our lives worse. It’s the fast fashion of connection. The upfront cost is cheap but there are a lot of hidden costs.

I’d attempted to cut ties before… multiple times. I made the classic mistake of announcing I was leaving to my Facebook friends and never following through. As my husband (then boyfriend) likes to say, “People who announce they’re leaving never do.” I so badly wanted to prove him wrong. I couldn’t.

My excuses for staying all boiled down to FOMO. Had I saved every photo? What about Facebook Marketplace deals I might miss? And those groups I belonged to (you know, the ones I’d checked exactly once in the past year)? What about them?

So what changed?

A few years ago, inspired by a documentary, I made what I thought was a clever compromise. I unfollowed everyone and everything. If I wanted to see something, I had to search for it. If people wanted me to read their posts, they had to tell me about them.

But Facebook adapted. They slipped recommended content and ads back into my feed. And each new friend I added meant more content to manually unfollow.

The cycle continued.

Then I became a mom. Enough was enough.

Watching my younger brother’s relationship with his phone terrified me. He’d had just a few years more exposure to cell phones than I did, and the difference in our attachment levels was stark.

What would it mean for my kid, who would have this technology available his entire life?

I knew if I wanted to limit tech with my little one, I had to be the example.

The alternatives

I’m not alone in wanting to kick Facebook to the curb. I’ve seen numerous posts and articles requesting alternatives to Facebook features. And you wouldn’t be here if part of you didn’t feel the same way.

• Marketplace: Buy Nothing, Craigslist, OfferUp, Nextdoor, eBay

• Groups: Reddit, Nextdoor, Discord, Forums, Wilder

• Messenger: Discord, Signal, WhatsApp, or good old texting

• Photo Sharing: Family Album, Google or Proton Drive

• Staying Informed: Read newspapers (online), talk to people

One of my biggest concerns was losing access to Facebook Marketplace. Some suggest creating a blank Facebook account just for Marketplace. To me, that defeats the purpose. I’d rather use less optimal platforms than continue supporting Facebook. What I lose in deals, I gain in mental well-being and supporting companies whose values align with mine.

And the more of us who adopt the alternatives, the better those alternatives become.

How to take the plunge

1. Ask for support. Find people who’ve already deleted Facebook and talk to them. Share your concerns and get their reassurance.

2. Set a deadline. Give yourself 48 hours to download photos, messages, and posts. Don’t let yourself overthink it.

3. Do it in community. If you find it difficult (like I did), have someone cheer you on or join you in deleting theirs too. Remember, you have 30 days to change your mind — though I doubt you’ll want to.

   
   

Getting off Facebook was my way of showing myself and my little one that I’m serious about being more present and less distracted. I want to be intentional and only give my attention to the people and things that matter to me.

By leaving Facebook, I’m also sending a clear message to the billionaires: My attention isn’t for sale. And that freedom? It feels better than any social media dopamine hit ever did.

Want support for your own Facebook deletion? Or have you already leaped? Share your story in the comments — let’s root each other on!