5 Willpower-Free Rules I Followed to Break Free from Phone Addiction

There’s something about smartphones, iPads, and mobile gaming devices that makes them uniquely addictive. The fact that they’re always in our pocket means constant access.

No friction. No pause to consider if we actually want to check right now.

Not to mention the countless engineers and psychologists who have dedicated their careers to making these devices and the apps on them as convenient, stimulating, and enticing as possible.

As a result, we’re fighting a battle against billion-dollar companies whose goal is to capture our attention.

But I’ve learned after 6 years as a digital minimalist that you don’t need more willpower. You need better systems. The 5 rules I’m about to share used to feel impossible to follow, but they’re now just part of my daily rhythm.

By applying these rules — or your own versions of them — you can create the friction needed to refocus on the projects, people, and causes that matter most to you.

Use a computer, not mobile to reduce phone addiction

Since most people don’t want to get rid of their smartphone or social media accounts all together, the next best alternative is to create friction with the habit.

There’s two types of friction when it comes to mobile devices: physical and software. 

Physical friction refers to the location and external resistance you create, whereas software friction relates to settings and things you change on your device to make it harder to use.

Using a desktop or laptop computer instead of a phone or tablet is a kind of physical and software friction rolled into one. Even though laptops are mobile, their weight and size make them just inconvenient enough that they aren’t quite as addictive as phones.

Ask yourself: What apps do you check most frequently or spend the most time on?

The biggest culprits are usually messaging apps, including email, or social media accounts like Instagram and Youtube.

For things like YouTube or email that you don’t want to eliminate but know you’re addicted to checking, delete the apps and use them only on a laptop. It makes checking them a more intentional process.

Instead of subconsciously finding yourself on one of these apps next time you feel tired, overwhelmed, or bored, it’ll be a more intentional choice to check them. That seemingly trivial bit of friction is often enough to break the autopilot habit or at least cut the time you’re spending on those apps.

Even once the app is removed though, you’ll probably still find yourself mindlessly reaching for your phone. That’s where the next rule comes in.

Put it away

People who want to eat healthy don’t keep junkf ood in their pantry, or if they do, they don’t make it the most accessible item. Instead, they put fruit on the counter and veggies at eye level in the fridge.

The same goes for your phone.

Phones are so enticing because they’ve become the default option. When we feel uncomfortable, our brain automatically tells us to check our phone. (You might be reading this article right now because you picked up your phone subconsciously.)

So when you have time set aside specifically for focused work or being present with loved ones, put your phone away.

When I’m working, I put my phone in my desk drawer. If I don’t, I find myself automatically reaching for it whenever I pause to think. My brain doesn’t want to be bored, and it definitely doesn’t want to use the energy that deep thinking requires.

This creates the same friction we discussed earlier. By adding that extra step of opening a drawer or walking to another room, you make your phone less likely to be the default option.

It might be uncomfortable at first, but that’s a good thing. You’ll have to actually face and accept the discomfort of not knowing where to go with a project or feeling bored or being somewhat sad because you got negative feedback at work.

Don’t worry though, it gets easier to deal with, with time.

Turn off (almost) all notifications

Notifications have been silenced on my phone for so long now that I’m surprised when I hang out with someone who doesn’t silence theirs. The constant dinging prevents deep conversations by dividing both of our attentions.

You might be concerned you’ll miss something if you silence your notifications, but in practice, you probably won’t. 

RescueTime says their users check their phone 58 times a day, which is nearly every 15 minutes if we assume the average person sleeps for 8 hours per night.

What notifications would actually hurt you if you didn’t respond to them in 15 to 45 minutes?

This isn’t a rhetorical question. 

When you actually think through what you’re afraid of missing, you’ll often find the fear is bigger than the reality. And it gives you an opportunity to remedy your fears instead of letting them stop you.

For example, I say silence almost all notifications because there might be certain things that do need timely attention, like a calendar notification for an appointment or phone calls from your family babysitter.

There are so many ways to customize your notifications to make your phone functional without letting it act as your overlord. You can allow sounds and banners, just allow banner notifications, or turn off notifications all together for apps you compulsively check anyway.

There are many other ways to customize your phone’s software to work for you instead of against you. I cover more specific settings in this article: 7 Simple Changes that Support Using Your Phone Less

Save the bed for sex, sleep, and rest

Another thing that seemed radical when we first implemented it but that now seems obvious is keeping our phones away from the bed. 

Using your phone in bed can cause insomnia for multiple reasons.

Blue light from screens mimics sunlight and blocks melatonin production. And the fast pace of social media and emails can induce stress and anxiety. Exactly what your brain doesn’t need when you’re trying to wind down.

There’s also a disturbing statistic that 1 in 10 people have used their phone during sex. If we can’t get a private moment for one of the most intimate activities, something’s not right.

My spouse and I bought battery-powered alarm clocks and no longer charge our phones on our nightstands. My phone lives next to my reading chair in the bedroom and my husband’s phone lives in his home office.

It has created a more restful environment for reading, pillow talk, and cuddles. We no longer have to tell each other to “put that light out” like that moment in Harry Potter. And we’ve been sleeping better. We fall asleep faster and usually stay asleep until morning.

This brings me to the next rule which builds on the alarm clock idea.

Replace apps with physical alternatives

Smartphones have become more than just a way to contact people. They’re now also an alarm clock, calculator, voice recorder, camera, notebook, calendar, GPS, etc.

When your phone does everything, you’ll often have a reason to pick it up.

So getting alternatives to your phone for those activities can be helpful. And since most people use their phone in place of all those separate items, the alternatives have become much cheaper. You can get a basic notebook or calculator at the dollar store.

As I already mentioned, I use an alarm clock instead of my phone so that I can check the time or set an alarm without getting sucked into my phone. I sleep better and it keeps my phone from being the first thing I interact with in the morning.

Cal Newport keeps a pocket notebook with him wherever he goes. It gives you somewhere to capture your ideas on the go without getting sidetracked by something on your phone.

There’s something satisfying about the tactile experience of writing things by hand, thumbing through a photo album, or adjusting the settings on a physical camera. I personally take my craft more seriously when I’m using a standalone camera rather than the one on my phone.

Another physical item I use is a calculator. I only really use one when I’m budgeting, so I keep it with my budget book. It keeps me focused on that task. But if I need to calculate something away from my budget book, I do occasionally use the calculator app.

As I say often, it’s not all or nothing. Take what’s helpful and leave the rest. Be open to trying new things, but know that you can always go back to the way things were if they worked better for you that way.

And if you’re concerned about sustainability, you can often find these kinds of things at thrift stores and pawn shops. Or you might have them collecting dust in a drawer somewhere, waiting to be used.

We’re all just making it up as we go

These are just some of the rules I follow that keeps technology, especially my phone, from taking over my life. They’re tailored to my needs and will likely evolve over time.

One thing I’ve learned as a coach is we can take inspiration from other people, but the best solutions often come from our own gut instincts. So take what resonates and adapt the rest to fit your life.

If you’d like some personalized guidance as you experiment with these ideas, I’d love to help. 

For starters, you can take the Digital Wellness Quiz to get an idea of some of your challenge areas and I’ll also send you a personalized email with coaching based on your answers. Plus, you’ll receive weekly emails with tips that you can unsubscribe from at anytime.